Tam Wua Forest Monastery

Visa run time again, my last trip over to Mae Hong Son immigration office to extend my tourist entry visa by 30 days. This takes me past Song Kran (Thai New Year - Water Festival) to the end of April at which point I will be leaving Thailand.

Whilst on the road I saw a 'Rescue' vehicle. I am not exactly sure what role the Rescue service fulfils but I believe it is a volunteer service that is somewhere between an ambulance and a fire truck. I have only ever seen them respond to traffic accidents and emergency situations, but they don't seem to have any specific government provided equipment. From what I can tell they are just trained first aiders who dedicate their time to helping people in emergency situations. Either way... the rescue vehicle I saw was possibly the coolest most Mad Max thing I've seen. If I had a crash and that car came to my rescue I would feel in very good hands. Assuming they don't harvest my organs or strap me to the bonnet as a warning to other drivers!

Between Pai and Mae Hong Son lies 108km of mountain roads. 20km before you get to Mae Hong Son, nestled in a valley surrounded on all sides my magnificent mountains is Tam Wua Monastery. This is a buddist monastery with bungalows and dorms available for people who wish to come and learn more about Buddhism and Vipassana meditation. It is open to both Thai and Farang, men and women. 

The setting is absolutely stunning. Well manicured grounds featuring a peaceful lake with large Koi Carp, small stream, orchid and a small farm growing various vegetables for the kitchen. All this over looked by extremely steep rock faces giving the impression of complete seclusion from the world.

Nuns in white meditate in the shade.

Upon arrival at the main hall I meet a Thai lady called 'Sue' who gives me the low down on what to expect and how each day breaks down. 

5am - Wake and meditate in your *Kuti (*bungalow or dorm).

6:30am - Make food offerings to the monks at the main hall.
7am - Breakfast at the main hall
8am - 2 hours Meditation - sitting/walking/laying down
10:30am - Make food offerings to the monks at the main hall.
11am - Lunch (last meal of the day)
1pm - 2 hours meditation at the main hall. Incuding a longer walking meditation.
4pm - Work around the monastery grounds - cleaning/gardening/kitchen work.
6pm - 2 hours chanting meditation in the chanting room.
9pm - Must be back in your Kuti or dorm.
10pm - Lights out.

Once all this was explained I was informed of the rules that I must abide by if I wish to stay. Firstly you have to wear all white clothing. I don't own any white clothes, fortunately they are prepared for this and kitted me out. Seemingly I was not the only one who was not aware of this and as a result 90% of people are wearing the same white fisherman's trousers and loose fitting shirt.  This 'uniform' doesn't do anything to allay my fears that this is a cult. All laundry was to be done by hand. I just showered with my clothes and then let them dry in the sun. Pretty basic. But you are not exactly working up a sweat so the whites stay pearly white.

Other rules include, men and women sleep and eat separately. No smoking, drinking, electrical goods, music, swearing, lying and try to keep your voice low when talking. Also, all the food prepared is vegan. So although unsaid, eating meat is not an option.
I broke the electrical goods rule fairly consistently by using my phone as a camera. Guess what, I'm not sorry. All the rules are intended to help you strip away distractions and live a pious reverential existence. For me taking photos does not effect this. If anything it allows me better recollection of my time there and will allow me to gain more from the experience in the long term. Plus I also believe that any skills learnt here need to have real world relevance. They are of no use to me if I cannot include them in my life back in England. Piety and avoidance of temptation is great if you're a monk and you have no intention of jumping into the vipers nest, but I need to learn skills that I can use once surrounded by London life.

Some people had chosen to use their time at the monastery as a silent retreat. They wore badges that said 'silent and happy'. These people were also not allowed to read or write unless it was reading their chanting book. The experience these people had chosen to undertake must have been extremely challenging. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can be so strong willed as to overcome natural urges to socialise and be part of the tribe. In truth I am little jealous. They seemed to side step the social ranking of people. Although 80% of the people I met and talked too were extremely nice and wanted to share their knowledge and help each other progress, there was definitely a visible ranking of people. A subtle competition over who could be most reverential, who knew the songs in Thai, who bowed the lowest, who could sit the longest. I guess human nature is unavoidable. It's just disappointing to see people creating a 'scene' around something like this. Trying to create an in crowd of enlightened people, those with the right sitting posture and appropriate vegan hand woven scarf. All that just made me want to check out even more.

All in all I found the rules a little oppressive, archaic and overly familiar with all other organised religions. Perhaps this similarity between codes of conduct could be seen as a good thing, all religions agreeing on something! But I don't agree with any religious practices that don't modernise and remain relevant within a developing society. It all screams of tradition over function.

I think the reason I am a little over sensitive about this stuff is because the first meditation session I took part in was the evening chanting session. Monks at the front of class, then men, then the nuns and the women have to sit at the back of the class. This blatant sexism is odd. Especially when you have nuns sat behind farang new comers like me who have no idea what they are doing, yet somehow simply because of my gender I am seen as more valuable/superior. Maybe I am misinterpreting and its more about gender segregation than rank, but thats not how it felt to me.

The chanting began in Thai and after each verse was then repeated in English. Everyone chants along and tries to follow the script. Both the nature of a monk led sing-a-long and the translations made me very uncomfortable. The similarities between this and a Christian service were all too apparent. Although my family are not religious I went to a very strict religious Church of England school. A belief structure I never bought into. And yet here I am again singing and thanking a deity for knowledge and asking for forgiveness.
In retrospect the wording was not very severe, it was more about thanking and paying respect to the Buddha for his teachings and for passing on what he learnt. But at the time I felt like a fox in the hen house, saying the words but not meaning them in the slightest. For me spiritual exploration is about learning more about my own mind and using that knowledge to develop into a better person, trying to find as balanced an existence as possible not necessarily apologising for every experience I have had. Or being made to feel like I have led a distracted, shallow, hedonistic existence by a guy who has been a monk since pre-teen and could never understand the temptations or valuable life experiences that I arrive with.

The more I write about this the more I realise its not Buddhism or the practices taught here that were at fault, but more my own baggage that I bring with me.
I'm sure this experience is of huge value, but I couldn't get past my own discomfort with both authority and the idea of a religious guide.
The meditation practices taught and the opportunity to learn more about Buddhism directly from a monk will definitely serve me well as I try to develop my own meditation skills.
It was also great to hear what to expect at different stages of practice as I develop my ability to explore my subconscious and the relationship between my mind and the body. These things I will definitely take away with me and try to integrate into my own version of spirituality, my own version being a solitary pursuit which does not need a monk, a schedule or a shiny gold icon to focus on.

A most interesting lesson I did learn was the benefit of Muay Thai when trying to achieve a meditative, quiet mind. After the many hours of meditation practice and the description of the separation between mind and body into a relaxed void state, I realised the same state has always been more readily available to me in the gym.
When following the instruction of my trainer and repeating a strike to the point of exhaustion my mind shuts off and my body repeats the process in loop, and time and consciousness pause.
Perhaps my temple has always been the gym and the road.

In western literature it is often referred to as the 'Flow' state. But I have also heard it referred to as the 'Zen state'. This indulging of the subconscious and the quieting of the conscious serial processing mind is what we were striving for through meditation. I have found this state when road running and when hitting the bag. The channelled focus on my breathing whilst exercising seems to mimic the breathing practices the monks had us follow and the results I have felt were very similar. A temporary state of separation between body and mind, an ability to raise your consciousness above the sensations the body is sending the brain. Feel them but not be affected by them. Be sat on top of the fulcrum point of the swinging pendulum of sensation and emotion.

The dorm.

Up at 6am for morning offerings to the monks.

All in all it was a positive experience. But with my last 30 days counting down before I have to leave I was really looking forward to getting back to Pai. I really want to maximise my time in Pai before I leave. As much as the monastery felt like sacred ground, it also felt like everyone had their head in the sand. Turning a blind eye to the realities of the world we live in. I look forward to continuing the practices learnt in a real world environment with real world distractions.